1: which is larger the number
of signs for south of the border on interstate 95 or the number of
see rock city signs in tennessee?
answer: the staff at kool kangaroo is working as you read this
to compile the results of our count. we can say that both numbers
are far too large. the worst thing about tourist traps is that, in
the end, they let the tourists go.
2: whats the thing with kool
kangaroo and no capital letters?
answer: kool kangaroo believes that all people are of value,
and that ones value as a person should be determined by what
one does, not the net worth of the family into which one is born.
to make that point, kool kangaroo chooses not to capitalize letters
based on something as random as being the first word in a sentence.
when you see a capital letter in a word at kool kangaroo, it becomes
something of meaning.
3: what makes you laugh?
answer: my daughter emma, the song momma dont allow
by the austin lounge lizards, and bill maher
4: who painted
the first velvet elvis?
tijuana resident artist carlos vaskecherista is credited, if one can
call it that, with the first rendering of the king on black velvet.
carlos is probably best known for his biography of vincent van gogh,
who carlos insisted on calling vincent van gone throughout the work
when referring to events after his death. vaskecherista was actually
obsessed with van gogh his early elvis paintings were frontal
face portraits, and, in a gesture to van gogh, elvis was always painted
with only one ear. when criticized for this approach to portraying
elvis, he compromised by painting profiles, with the missing ear always
hidden from view. his transition from using pegboard as a painting
surface to working with velvet was widely viewed as visionary. tourists
shopping in tijuana today have carlos to thank for the many velvet
paintings available, as hordes of artists have since picked up on
his technique. the original one-eared velvet elvis is said to be available
for less than ten dollars at the bazaar nearest the border.
5: so what's the deal with juanita
answer: juanita velveeta, the cheese queen, is a kool kangarette,
and is penney file's main cheese squeeze. the former lead singer for
the inquiring minds, juanita velveeta recently came to the realization
that she is a vegan. and when it dawned on her that velveeta is, in
fact, a dairy product, she began to sneeze uncontrollably. thinking
it was the pollen, she quit her job sharpening the points on golf
tees and moved to the polar cap. the sneezing stopped, but she began
to freeze. so off she went to her beach house on captiva island, but
she found herself unable to adequately manage her hair because of
the breeze. realizing that she had been misled about the ease with
which one can escape the eeze, she decided against the sneeze and
the freeze and opted for the breeze, and today she sits on the beach
at captiva staring in the general direction of belize.
6: is it true that gilda radner, before marrying gene wilder,
had a brief marriage to baseball player frank tanana, and that they
had moved to cuba and opened a nightclub?
yes, and it was there and only there that you could order the roseanne
roseannadanna tanana havana cabana banana daiquiri.
7: are you developing a twelve step program for recovering engineers?
this has been
a bittersweet effort. it is a much needed program, but, as a recovering
engineer, i find myself overanalyzing the program's development, which
has slowed down the process considerably. facing the fact that i am,
indeed, an engineer was perhaps one of the most difficult things i've
had to do. but standing in front of a group of people and announcing,
"i am an engineer" was liberating and allowed the healing
process to begin. for a long time i refused to believe that i was
an engineer. i told myself that i was just a social math-doer, and
that i could stop calculating any time i wanted to, if i wanted to.
but i was wrong. the truth hit me one morning when i found myself
evaluating the change in ductility in my daughter's breakfast cereal
as a function of milk immersion time. as she saw me stick my fingers
in her cereal bowl yet again, she looked at me as only a little girl
can, and said, "why, daddy, why?" i knew then that i had
to put an end to the madness, and the twelve step program development
began. right now we have a small group that meets once every 2.65
weeks. hearing a middle aged man with thick glasses get up and say
"it has been seven weeks since i last wore a pocket protector"
just makes you shiver all over. it really does. there is hope. perhaps
someday there will also be a song.............